Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
