Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
