Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
