if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize