New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize