i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
