well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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