it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
