I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
