I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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