You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
