Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize