ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just had sex bonerless
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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