I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
