i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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