I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
