Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
