Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize