Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize