no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
