her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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