none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
