1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
