i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
