im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
