She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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