so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
