Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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