The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
