I don't usually arrange sex via text message
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
