Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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