Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
