And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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