Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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