Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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