Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
