a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
