I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
