you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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