I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
