I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
