break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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