Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize