how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
thus making me awesome and them whores
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Randomize
