Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
