I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
