ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
