That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
