soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize