Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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