the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
