The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize