i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
