Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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