respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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