I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We have started to decorate penises.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
