I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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