More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
