If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
