There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
