That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He did a backflip because drugs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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