I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
