Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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