P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
