I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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