that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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