HIV tests are more positive than that guy
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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