I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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