I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
