wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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