seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
