will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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