So drunk, too bad you don't want this
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
