eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
