Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
