dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
