In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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