I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
