I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
